It's Been a Week

Fictional Character

THE NO HELP HELP

I hate my sister’s helper. After our first full day here, she confided in Mary that she felt really “stressed” and tired. I was with her all day, so it completely shocked me to hear this. Anyone who has kids knows, you throw a new one into a group and it can make your life so much easier. At some point, they definitely prefer to play with one another as opposed to risk being assigned study worksheets or asked to pick up their rooms or bring you a glass of water. This is exactly what happens when Chase, Charlotte and Jessica get together. The only thing I saw her do was drive different places and periodically ask the girls if they wanted a snack. I think she only did that for my benefit. Because the girls are so independent, Mary tells me she really doesn’t care. She says she only expects the minimum from her, and I said, “well, that is exactly what you are getting.” It bothers her more that I seem to be bothered by the helper’s laziness. That’s not the issue for me. I just hate seeing my sister’s hard-earned money going to someone who’s not working hard for her.

What?!?

WHAT IS EVERYONE LOOKING AT?

I’m behind the wheel of a car again. It’s been almost a year. It’s not pretty, People. I know it’s not my imagination, but I feel like the other drivers on the road are looking at me with hating eyes. Every honk is intended for me. Mary drove Dad’s car from the funeral so we ended up having an extra car. I’m making myself car sick with my own driving. How pathetic is that! I also seem to have a worse sense of depth perception because I feel like there isn’t a curb I can’t avoid (sorry dad).

Guess what I’m craving…

MY NEW LOVER IS A CHEETO

I am happy to report that my divorced, single-mom sister Mary is finally getting her “groove” back. Unfortunately, this means I have to listen to her real-life “50 Shades of Mary” stories while I ponder my own celibacy. Luckily, Mary has passed down her old remedy to night time urges: her Costco-size Cheetos bag. I don’t know why I seem to gravitate to these snacks. I never keep trashy snack like this at home, but maybe I need to re-think it.

Once the kids are in bed, Mary and I watch all the trash TV I’ve missed out on like “Real Housewives” and movies on demand. It’s strangely comforting to just zone out and watch other women make big drama out of nothing. It’s such unfamiliar territory