“This house is clean.”

Cliff informed me that we are officially returning to America in December. As I am listening to him tell me how his  “work is done” here in Tokyo, I kept thinking about that scene from Poltergeist when Zelda Rubinstein declares, “This house is CLEAN!” Having just returned and still clearing up my jet lag haze, I have mixed feelings. Living in Tokyo is a lot like living on the Truman Show. Everyone is so polite, everywhere is so clean, everything is so pretty. Over the summer, I really missed the feeling of safety we have grown used to here in Japan. I missed the level of quality. I did not miss the prices. It was nice to eat as much fruit as I wanted without sweating it. I do miss the craziness and drama of white people in America. I’m not just talking about reality TV, but just people acting weird. As we go through the motions of relocating again, I will have more ruminations to share with you all. For now, I’m just going to do what I do and wait for the movers to show up.

Speaking of recruiters…

FINDING GOOD HELP

Two weeks after returning, I experienced my first uninterrupted night of sleep. Since then, I have been able to check the apartment. I don’t think my helper is very good. Cliff is so good at delegating and telling me what I need to tell her, but what he doesn’t seem to understand is I don’t like wearing that hat. There are people who seem VERY comfortable telling other people what they want or what to do. People like Cliff and my mom. There is a side of me that sort of envies that level of comfort with their bossiness. Then there are people like myself who are loath to make demands on people. 1) Most of the time while I’m talking I’m thinking “Who the hell am I to be asking her to iron the bed sheets?” 2) I can see in their eyes they are thinking, “Miss Big Boobies is so lucky she married Sir-With-Money.” I’m assuming being here all summer without anyone has made Lita a little lazy. I reminded her this morning to remember to wipe down the refrigerator and kitchen cabinet doors every time she came. I don’t know if she is slow, or if I just got grin-fucked, but we parted ways without a parting of the ways. That’s success in my book. The only thing I hate worse than “Employee Feedback” is hiring someone new. I don’t mind firing as much as I hate hiring. The whole process is excruciating and then I have “Mr. Professional Executive Recruiter” giving me advice. I purposely hold interviews when I know he’s either out-of-town or at work. The last time I was hiring, Lita (my current helper) could only meet late in the afternoon. After asking her my set questions and acquiring references, I thought we were in the clear. Unbeknownst to me, Cliff had decided to come home early and walks in during our interview. Cliff goes back to change and I start “closing the deal” when Cliff decides he needs to come running out with a wrinkled shirt on a hanger. Then he asks Lita, “Do you like to iron?” She and I are just looking at him and before either of us can say anything, he adds, “I mean, do you love it?” I didn’t think it was possible to be mortified for your help (sorry if that sounds snotty, but it is what it is), but I was completely embarrassed for both of us. I mean, in “Cliff World” does he think there are little girls in the world dreaming in their bedrooms of one day being able to create a perfectly smooth, starched shirt? or of creating pristine toilets with their magical bristle wands?

Dare to dream Girls!

To her credit, Lita was able to eek out a very soft “Yes, Sir”, and she returned the next day to work in Crazy World.

The Perfect Boss

Until next time…