Steps for Surviving Your Husband’s Staycation
Of course Cliff tells me at the last-minute he’s decided to take Tuesday through Friday off from work. He says he mentioned it, but I don’t think so. And I would have remembered that memo. Right now, I’m in “now what?!?!?” mode. I’ve got that same feeling like when I’ve made dinner reservations for 4 and my “Go-To” couple has cancelled on me and I’m facing a dinner out alone with *gasp* my huhuhusband. I’ve watched enough Man versus Wild to feel like I’m up for this unforeseen challenge, so I’m going for it.
Step 1: Spend more money
Obviously, I must not be spending enough money if he feels like he can take all this time off from work. Spend one day “just popping into” the Jimmy Choo boutique that happens to be close to where you are lunching. Allow your husband to see how much higher your cost of living has gotten.
Step 2: Tell him to go act like a parent
Nothing scares “Company Men” more than spending quality time with his children. Company Dad often appears pale to their children because they rarely see daylight. After a few days of daylight exposure, it was obvious that a 3pm frappuccino from Starbucks was a necessity. By the way, that is Cliff’s bike on the rail. He went from driving a Porsche Carrera 4s to a Trek City bike and he says I’m emasculating.
Step 4: Send him to the electronics store
We found these weird stretchy scrotal things that you use to exercise. You grab the “ball” ends and just pull for resistance. Cliff of course felt like they were too small for him. I wanted them in black
Step 5: Start feeding him high caloric foods
This only works if you have a husband who is slightly on the vain side and still trying to hang in there. If you have the other model of husband who has decided to let himself go, then this may backfire on you. Cliff’s Staycation happened to fall during his birthday. A few years back I got into big trouble because I actually believed him when he told me he was watching his weight. So for that birthday I made him a nice dinner, got him a gift, but Lord help me, I didn’t get him cake and a card! He made such a big deal out of it, that that was the year I started the tradition of eating a slice of birthday cake for every year you’ve been alive. Needless to say, we are eating cake practically year round. Now that Chase is old enough, I get him to make the card:
Cliff never read Hunger Games, so I don’t think he got the reference because he read the card and just gave us both dirty looks.
Step 6: Force him to wear matching outfits
Today was our final official day of Staycation. This morning I made Cliff go to yogalates and then we went to my favorite organic restaurant Yasaiya Mei. I don’t know if dressing alike is a result from too much “quality time” or what. Either way, if any of your husbands try to spring a staycation on you, just show them this picture and what happened to Cliff after almost a week at home with me. Let my pain be your gain Darlings! I survived!
Until next time…