Category Archives: Family

Honesty Over Harmony

March 28, 2013 By in Baseball, Chase, Cliff, Daily Living, Family, Kathryn, Pearls of wisdom Tags: , , , , 4 Comments
Wish I lived here

Wish I lived here

“Honesty over Harmony” was something a woman in Colorado once told me. You know how there are quotes that echo in your mind for the rest of your life? This was one of those. It was the title of a course she and her husband took after an episode of infidelity. I can’t say I agree on that front, but I do believe it has a purpose (more on that later, probably).

After my last blog, I received some “honest” comments and by that, I mean death threats… mostly from family members (aka Crazy Middle Sister). This, I expected and understood, but this is my blog, and if the truth hurts, I can only suggest some personal introspection. If anyone should be sending me nasty messages, it should be Cliff and Chase. They have oft been the inspiration for my blog and usually don’t know about it until I’ve posted. I always appreciate their feedback, listen to their pleading, but if sugar-coated family times are what they are looking for, I suggest they start viewing old Leave it to Beaver or Brady Bunch episodes. To their credit, they have an amazing sense of humor and surrender about the whole thing. It also means I can count on at least a few days of super “good behaviour” after I roast them in a blog. I love them for putting up with my rants in person and in Blogsphere.

Not Us

Not Us

I like to think I am most honest about myself. People I know who read this blog tell me how much they laugh sometimes. Do I get offended? No. I never know what makes people laugh, but if my life-adventures bring a chuckle or two, call me Mother Theresa. If you’re the type of person who is offended by everything, Freakin’ A, let me be the one to tell you, no one likes you or wants to spend time with you… and YOU WILL NEVER FIND A HUSBAND. Back to me. The other day, I went out, in my usual Brazilian, spandex workout uniform, thinking I looked pretty good. I was wearing the one pair of capri pants that weren’t black (this pair was actually a sky blue). I go to spin, do some yoga, run errands, then I get home. To my horror, I realize these capris give me camel toe to the degree that would make a camel’s podiatrist blush. I’ve been walking around, visiting my fishman (who did give me a good deal on some wild Sea Bass), looking like a Smurfette with no panties! Well, needless to say, I peeled off those pants and they were retired in the trash can.

I don't get it.

I don’t get it.

SCHOOL HONESTY: Private school admissions letters are due to be mailed out April 5th. We can access the verdicts online by the 6th, but call me old-fashioned and superstitious, but I like the anticipation of trying to use my x-ray vision, waiting for Chase to come home, and ripping an envelope open. Good or Bad, I think Chase needs to experience that for himself. My other sister in Virginia, who is a super spy during the day and yet somehow manages to have time to raise 2 girls on her own and be my personal IT support, told me she thinks I’m too hard on Chase in the blogs and making him sound academically average. That made me a little sad, because that is absolutely not the impression I would ever want anyone to have. Nor would I want him to think I felt like that once he is older and diligently reading and savouring all of mommy’s precious blog posts. I apologize if I have not accurately portrayed my son’s awesomeness. As parents, it is a fine line between being motivational while belittling your child and crushing his spirit completely. I try to ease up when I see quivering chin action.

BASEBALL HONESTY: Little league sure has changed. We (and by we, I mean Chase) are in the Majors playing on the Texas Rangers. Chase has always been The Hitter. He usually plays clean up and hits it over the fence at least once every season. That being said, I told the new coach to please not put him at #4 (Clean Up Batter) early in the season because he puts a lot of pressure on himself and ends up choking at bat. Of course, during practices, Chase was killing the pitches. Really performing well, and by the time games started, they decided to start him at #4. Chase hasn’t had a hit in 6 games. After game 4 they finally put him at #8 which was a big relief to all of us, but I’m worried the damage has been done. We are trying to stay confident and upbeat for his sake, but he cries after every game because he feels like he’s let everyone down. To be honest. This may be our last season.

Chase is #1 in our book. Number 12 on the team.

Chase is #1 in our book. Number 12 on the team.

Net-Net, I’m sorry if feelings are hurt. I try to disguise names as much as possible (not really). With everything going on in my family right now, that phrase, “Honesty over Harmony” never rang more true. I’ve learned one thing: You can eventually have harmony with honesty, but you will NEVER have harmony through lies. Peace out.

Until next time…

Unwrap Unravel

March 3, 2013 By in Dad, Family, Relocating Tags: , , , 4 Comments
Moving Day

Moving Day

Moving is a lot like having a baby. You forget how tough it is until you have to do it again.

February 26th Tuesday: 9am Chase has last private school interview. 12:00 Meet trucks with Tokyo shipment.

February 27th Wednesday: All Day Unpacking & Organizing

February 28th Thursday: 8:30am Spin class. Rest of the day Unpack & Organize. 7:30pm Baseball practice.

March 1st Friday: More Organizing. 4:00pm head to Columbia, South Carolina

March 2nd Saturday: 7:30am Church sponsored yard sale at Dad’s

To compound the situation, every night this past week, Chase needed help preparing for a test. Between going to bed late and waking up by 4am every day, I felt like a the moving box myself. Unwrapping. unraveling.  Suddenly, I have mover’s ADD. How many times did I walk into a room needing something and as soon as I passed the threshold,  stop and wonder, “What did I come in here for?”  I try to handle stress in small increments and by breathing. Sometimes, I supplement with crunchy snacks and alcohol. By the time I had to leave my house to help dad with his house, I just had to pass the box cutter over to Cliff and wish him “Gambatte” (Good Luck in Japanese).

Moving on

Moving on

I was dreading going to my father’s home for different reasons. Taking apart my Mother’s home, going through things she acquired over the years, and just missing her presence in a place where she was so present literally sucks the air out from my body. The feeling that something is missing from our human dynamic is inescapable. On top of this, I have not spoken with my crazy sister (Bess) who lives 15 minutes from me in Atlanta since she called me an asshole in December. I wish there wasn’t this divide between us, but just ONCE, I need her to be a better person and make an effort to show me she values our relationship. Everyone has enabled her craziness long enough, and I have had enough. I know all the arguments for “forgiveness” but I don’t care. I’ve run out of cheeks to turn. She arrived after Chase and I did and when she walked into the room where Mary and I were relaxing, she made a point of saying hello to Mary and completely ignoring me. What are we? 13? Moments like this, I channel my mother and ask her for the strength to maintain my cold stare and stoic attitude. She was a zen master at this.

As if being around Bess wasn’t enough to test me, my father is still seeing that woman. He asked me again, if my sisters and I wanted to meet her. Good God Man! The month of my mother’s birthday! April is the anniversary of her death! NO! I’m going to admit this. She’s not good enough. Not for him, for us, for my mother. Chase just finished 3 days of sex talk at school and he had to hear me tell my father not to marry someone just because he likes the way she sucks chopsticks. By the way, Chase taught me something new. He said the school nurse referred to the penis as the “Junkular”. Cliff and I just looked at each other and tried unsuccessfully not to laugh. I’ve never heard of the junkular gland, and I did my final thesis on drug-induced male sexual dysfunction (this deserves its own blog space). But I digress.

Can you believe, at the yard sale, she had the audacity to show her face knowing we didn’t approve? No respectable Korean woman would do this. I don’t understand how my father would allow it. Many, many years ago, my parents clearly stated that if they ever met Cliff, there would be either a homicide or suicide or both. I asked my dad, how he would have felt, if I, knowing how my parents felt, ambushed them by having Cliff just “bump into” us somewhere. This never occurred to me. There is a proper and respectable way to meet someone else’s family. Yard sale ambush is not on the list. Once we realized who was out there, my sisters and I stayed inside the whole time, sending Chase out with more inventory. Thank God for the children.

I know a lot of people out there are thinking, “this bitch needs to let her dad just get his groove on.” I’m all good with that. Call me old fashion, but whoever is going to be my “step-mother”, doesn’t need to fill my mother’s shoes, but they should at least be wearing a respectable pair of flip-flops.

Traditional Korean Sandals

Traditional Korean Sandals

Until next time…

Trying To Do the Right Thing

January 29, 2013 By in Baseball, Chase, Cliff, Culture Shock, Daily Living, Family, Kathryn, Relocating, School, useful Tags: , , , , , , , , , 1 Comment
Getting my Yakult On!!!

Getting my Yakult On!!

It’s been about a month since we’ve been back. Things are just starting to feel “normal”. I say this after going to Buford Farmer’s Market today and practically having an orgasm after finding they have Yakult Yogurt! I must have put on some kind of show because a lady who was nearby asked me, “Is it that good?” and then picked up a case for herself.

I’m still not comfortable driving. I swear every other car is being driven by people on their phones talking or texting and it makes me so paranoid. I keep having to remind myself to STAY ON THE RIGHT! STAY ON THE RIGHT!!! And on top of all that,  I don’t know how Georgia code allows mailboxes to be placed so close to the roads. It’s life and death getting your mail here.

Oops!

Oops!

CHASE

The last couple of weeks it has been like DefCon 4 here at the house. We decided at the last minute to try to apply Chase to different middle school Fall 2013. This involved last-minute EVERYTHING. We are applying to 3 different schools. To be honest, I just couldn’t muster the energy to apply to any more than three. They are like college applications nowadays. So for each school, I have to fill out involved background information and write essays about our family and Chase in particular. We have to pay registrations fees to each school. I have to request transcripts and teacher evaluations for each school from all the schools Chase has attended. I also had to late-register Chase for the SSAT which is required by private schools in Atlanta for entry evaluation. His test date is February 2nd. And by the way, did I happen to mention he had Spring Baseball tryouts last Saturday? All the schools have called and we have scheduled the interviews. Why are we going through this madness when we are already at a school with an excellent reputation that he attended since he was 3 years old? As much as we love Holy Innocents’ Episcopal School and appreciate its loving and nurturing culture, things have changed, and Chase has changed.

Very shortly after Chase returned to school, a boy known for being the bully type came up to Chase in the playground and forced him and a friend to stop playing. This boy, then got in Chase’s face and said, “So what are you?!? Chinese or Japanese?”

Next incident: Same boy comes up to Chase at recess and says, “Hey Chase, since you’re so fat, I’ll bet you’re slow too. Wanna race?”

Today, Chase told me he was challenged by this boy to a tether ball game and after Chase won, the boy hit Chase with the ball bruising his arms.

He started school January 7th.

The bullying is horrible, but this boy was a bully before we moved and it is obvious he has suffered no consequences for it.

The other issue is homework. In Tokyo, we often had 3 or more hours of homework each night. Here, we have hardly any homework and much of the homework is extremely easy. It is very hard for me to sit by and watch while Chase re-calibrates his effort towards schoolwork. We practically had nightly exorcisms to get to the point when Chase could survive academically in Tokyo and now there are days when he has no homework because “there’s a test tomorrow”.

Unlike most Japanese, people in the South have opinions. Especially about things like private schools. I’ve heard enough good and bad stories about every school at this point, I feel like it’s God’s Will. Even if we end up staying at Holy Innocents’ Episcopal School, I will take it as a sign that it is just meant to be. The great thing about HIES is I know they will cater Chase’s program for his needs. Given the fact that Cliff doesn’t want Chase to go to Woodward Academy because it’s “in a terrible neighborhood” (and he doesn’t think Chase will get to play sports because of all the black students), and I don’t want Chase to go to Westminster because I want him to have a life, that only leaves Pace Academy. In case you are interested, tuition to these private schools: Woodward ($19,770), Westminster ($22,270), Pace Academy ($22,570). Applications have to be completed around March and early April is when decision letters will be mailed out.

Making the decision to explore other schools for 6th grade is heart-breaking for me. Chase has been at Holy Innocents’ since he was 3 years old. His best friend is there and we have great friends and memories of the school. I don’t know what is the right thing. All I know is I’m just trying to do the best thing and for some reason this felt like it needed to be done.

Until next time…

ThanksgivingTraditions

November 26, 2012 By in Cooking, Family, Holidays & Festivals, Living in Tokyo Tags: , , , , , , 2 Comments

Happy Thanksgiving

Every year, the Third Thursday of November means we feast. Cliff is the Master chef and I am happy to be Sous chef and grocery go-getter. Besides the bird, Cliff’s Stuffing, the green beans, sweet potatoes, etc., one of our family traditions is to have a new friend sit and join our table. Living in Tokyo has not been so conducive to our US traditional feastery:

Turkey Leg drawn to scale

Last year, it was obvious we could not cook a turkey of our liking in our apartment oven. Plan B led us to make reservations at the Tokyo American Club’s Thanksgiving Feast. We were also given the opportunity to host 2 marine soldiers and I jumped at the chance. Purely out of the goodness of my heart of course. The whole experience turned out wonderfully. So much so, I declared Thanksgiving Day to be the new Marines at My Table Day.

This year, my marines were only 20 & 18 years old and not so buff or well-dressed. What they lacked in muscle mass they made up in gratitude and innocence. Their names were Mohammad and Jesus (My hand to God). I think Chase weighed more than Jesus!

Jesus is from Mexico and Mohammad from Niger. At one point during our meal, it hit me, we were like a United Nations meeting! or a Benetton ad. I raised my glass and announced, “How the heck did this happen?!?” That’s when Cliff cut me off from the open bar. Allow me to be honest. I don’t usually engage in conversations with people in their teens or 20′s. I’m an ageist. But these 2 soldiers enlightened me in ways that only young men in their circumstance can. In my heart, I hope their families are so proud of what they are doing and what they have accomplished. So many people lack direction, identity, integrity. Not these boys. How can I call them boys when they are willing to die for me? But as I look at them and hear their voices, I know they are boys in their hearts and souls. They inspire me. We move, we relocated, we redefine ourselves. I envy the simplicity of their objective. Maybe I’m complicating my own unnecessarily. Probably. Thanks for the lesson.

Thanksgiving 2012 w/ Jesus & Mohammad

Until next time…

Happy Birthday Chase!

November 21, 2012 By in Chase, Family Tags: , , , , , 4 Comments

Classroom celebration

Today is Chase “Fox” Wright’s eleventh birthday. Like every parent, I woke up thinking, “Where did the time go?” Last night, I gave him his last 10 year old kiss and told him no matter how big he got, he was always going to be my little boy. There!

Tipping the scales at an early age

Once, I asked my father how old he saw me as, and he didn’t even hesitate: “9″. I remember thinking how funny that was, but now I am a parent to an 11 year old and in my mind I still see him as a 4 year old, that is until he beats me at arm wrestling, like he did last night.

“Chasie, you are my heart.”

My mom always cracked me up when she would say, “You know, he has my ears.” Really? Out of all the body parts, she had to pick ears?!? Now that she’s gone though, I do find myself examining his ears more and feeling her presence there. Whenever I even look sad, Chase is the first one to put his arm around me. It’s almost like she’s still listening to me through him.

Genetically Modified Organism

As parents, we always hope our children are the best parts of ourselves. Fortunately for Cliff and I, we were able to come up with the perfect formula.

1st Time Aunties at their best

I am always and forever grateful to my sisters Bess and Mary for their absolute and abundant love for Chase. Growing up as 1st generation immigrants, we never had the fortune of an extended family. Despite “winging it”, my sisters have proven to be the best aunts a boy could have. In Korean, aunt is “Emo” but we sometimes refer to each other as “E-mom“.

Good Times

In many ways, Chase is the son my father never had. It is so endearing and interesting to watch their dynamic and see how different my father is with Chase. There is a mutual love and respect between them that is so special and I love them both for loving each other so much. Chase will tell you, “You know, I’m part psychiatrist.”

Chase(2001) & Maggie (2000)

When you have one child, sometimes you feel obligated to have another. So we had Chase and we know now it was the best thing for our family.

Dear Chase,

It took a long time for you to come into this world. I remember praying every day for you. I remember making silly promises to God if he would just see fit to bless our lives with you. I told Him he never had to bless me with another thing if he just brought you to us. Each day I walk into your room, to wake you up, I thank God for the gift that is you. You make me want to be the best mom and person I can be.

Thank you for being such a good son,

Until next time,
Mom

Happy Brithday Chase!

Transitions

October 23, 2012 By in Chase, Daily Living, Family, Kathryn, Mom Tags: , , , , , Leave a comment

From our hike in Miyajima

BABY BLUES

These last few days have been kind of rough for me. Some possible reasons include:

  1. Change in season
  2. Upcoming holidays
  3. Mourning for my Mom
  4. Moving Melancholy
  5. Woman time
  6. I just bought L size panties from Uniqlo

I’ve been close to crying for days now and the combination of everything is just hard. The other day I received wonderful news about yet another friend getting pregnant. I am utterly and completely happy for her. However, as I continued to think about it, I realized: I’m Jealous! Anyone who knows me knows I am not a jealous person. My feelings were overwhelming and I found myself doubting who I am and where I am. This called for friend intervention, so I sent an SOS to my good friend Debra and I asked her to please tell me why I don’t want to be pregnant. She explained in her typical good-sense Michigan gal kind of way that I didn’t want to be pregnant, I just wanted to be that young mom again. I know she is right. I just happened to be surrounded by so many women in my group who are in the “it’s now or never phase” of our lives and they are choosing NOW. I don’t want to be pregnant and washing bottles and all that mess, but I feel like these arms aren’t done cuddling! The problem is, Chase is growing too big too fast and my arms feel under-utilized. I feel like it was over before I even had a chance to warm up! The other problem is Chase has spoiled me by being such a sweet and easy child. If I could clone him 100 times I would.

Just yesterday:

Chase’s 1st birthday at my parent’s home

Cliff is in Defcon 4 trying to find a mini schnauzer to fulfill my cuddling needs. The other day I found myself at Joker. Joker is the designer pet boutique in Roppongi Hills. I ended up eyeing a couple of really cute doggie jackets and a pet snuggie. I don’t even have the new puppy yet! I feel a little like those crazy women who have fake pregnancies or buy wedding dresses before they have a boyfriend, but the nice thing about crazy is, you don’t care!

Retail Therapy

MOTHERLAND

I’ve also been feeling very anxious about going back to Korea. It’s the first time I’ll be there without my mom and every time I think about it I feel like I’m melting inside. Sometimes I wish I had time to just stay at home and cry all day, but then I think if I did that would I know when to stop? Everyone says what I’m feeling is normal and I don’t need to make excuses to anyone and I’m not, I’m just so damn sad. At this point, I can’t help but wonder if I shouldn’t be medicated? I don’t feel like I could get counseling here in Japan because suffering is just normal for them. I know my friends in Tokyo are probably thinking, “What?!? I had no idea! She looks so genki and beautiful all the time!” I know. It’s a curse to be so beautiful. No one sees the real pain behind the perfect teeth and flawless skin.

2011 On our way to Seoul

Last night, I lay in bed and listened to a podcast about grief. The psychotherapist said grief is a process of adjustment. A mental & emotional relocation. He also said it can take a long time to figure out where you are. Wednesday evening, I’ll be back in Korea and I know it will be hard. Hell, it’s hard now and I’m in Japan.

Until next time…

Miyajima: Itsukushima Shrine aka Shrine Island

October 21, 2012 By in Chase, Cliff, Family, Getting there, Japan, Japanese Excursions, Kathryn, useful Tags: , , , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

Miyajima at Sunset

Whenever I mentioned I was going to Hiroshima, EVERYONE would ask, “Are you going to Miyajima too? You MUST go!” The more I looked into it, the more I realized they were right. Miyajima is considered one of the top 3 most beautiful places in Japan.

Schedule:

  • Sunday 9:30am Leave hotel for Miyajima after breakfast
  • Hiroshima Stn to Miyajimaguchi (400 yen/person) 25 min by JR Train
  • Miyajima Port (170 yen/person) 10 min by Ferry
  • Sightsee & Lunch
  • Last Ferry from Miyajima is 22:14 we left at 18:00

Once upon a time, when Cliff and I were still dating, we used to have fun on trips. Somewhere along the trip of our lives, traveling with Cliff has just about become unbearable to me. He never walks with us, he always acts like he’s on some business trip by himself, he complains constantly and he is picky as to where and what he eats. I go into “vacation mode” and ergo his otherwise “normal” behaviour becomes even more intolerable to me because I feel like our time together as a family is so precious. So, the net result is I turn into one snarky bitch which in turn turns Cliff into even more of a party and poor Chase has to witness his parents acting like imbeciles. So on Sunday morning, before we even had breakfast, I declared I would be on my best behaviour.

On the ferry

GETTING TO MIYAJIMA

At Hiroshima Station, get to the JR side (remember you need to use the underground tunnel through the station). Purchase tickets (400 yen/person) to use the train to get to Miyajimaguchi (literally means the mouth of Miyaguchi). From the Miyaguchi Station, walk straight out and follow the herd to the port. There are plenty of signs and it is a short straight shot (you may have to walk underground to avoid traffic).

Don’t forget your ferry tickets!

Amazing landscapes, autumn colors, floating shrine, oysters, rice paddles and wild deer are just a few of the many things you can look forward to in Miyajima:

My deer!

ARRIVING:

I was immediately charmed by this little island which in and of itself is a community/town. I don’t know why I was so surprised. I just thought it would be like another seasonal fair but it’s a real town with residents. You can rent bikes to get around, but we opted to walk. The tide was still high enough at that point, so we were able to take a boat ride to the floating torii:

We were boat people

Even though the guide was talking completely in Japanese, we had a great time just watching everyone in these hats and who could be in a bad mood in a boat on a lovely day?

Miyajima Ropeway:

Just getting there

FYI: Getting anywhere on Myajima feels like a hike. The great news is it’s absolutely beautiful. There are trails and bridges and ponds and wildlife all around you. I was excited to take the ropeway which is actually a gondola (think ski lift/gondola) up to the highest peak on the island. It takes you to the shrine of a famous monk who supposedly showed the good people of Miyajima “The Way”. When we got to the top, it was around lunchtime, but there is only 1 cafe and you can only order a couple of dishes from a vending machine. We didn’t want to waste our appetites on that mess, so we ended up placating Chase and ourselves with a few popsicles until we could get back to the main area and get some “real” food. Despite the long-ass-practically-vertical climb to the top, we did have a good photo-op:

Fake it to Make it!

FOOD:

Once we returned to the village, I couldn’t wait to get my bag of chestnuts and rice-cake-on-a-stick! They also had a bunch of other options:

Street Food

Chase and I would have been completely happy eating some more street food, but Cliff won’t do it. So I had to stop so we could go and eat in a restaurant. Still good food. Miyajima is surrounded by oysters, so that’s also something you need to try. The oysters are meaty & delicious!

Roasted oyster on bed of crispy rice. Yummy!

SOUVENIRS:

With our bellies full, Chase somehow found a gaming area where you could either shoot targets or toss rings for cheap prizes. He LOVES these opportunities. I made Cliff be his audience while I shopped for rice paddles:

Size matters

My shopping was interrupted by a small crowd oohing & ahhhing outside my shop. I looked outside only to find my son and husband in the middle of this crowd, guns poised and a pile of cheap toys in front of them. I felt like “The Mom” as I stood akimbo and interrupted this carnival party with, “What is going on here?!?”

We beat the system!

Evidently, Cliff realized early on that the displays were rigged and he schemed with Chase to shoot siultaneously at 1 target to take it down. They would wait for the game manager to turn around so she couldn’t see what they were doing. Seeing the pure glee mixed with crazy in their eyes and the fact that they were actually bonding and having fun enabled me to just shake my head and walk back to my paddles smiling. Good for them, I thought.

Chase would not be outdone by our cartoon antics on the mountain so when he had his opportunity, he took it:

Don’t mess with me and my paddle!

AT THE END OF THE DAY:

By the time we got ready to head back on the ferry it was about 6:00pm. Despite spending all day on the island, as we walked back I realized we hadn’t even seen half of the island. There was a whole other section we forgot about at the dockside! It was an amazing day for our family. Everyone behaved. All the way back to the hotel, Chase kept going back and forth between Cliff and me hugging us and telling us, “Thank you” and what a great time he had. Even though we were tired physically, I feel like our souls were rejuvenated.

Top of the World literally & figuratively

Until next time…

October 24th We go to Korea!

Tired of “Being Tired”

September 21, 2012 By in Cliff, Daily Living, Family, Kathryn Tags: , , , , , 2 Comments

Script from just about every evening of my life:

  • Cliff: I’m home! (Kathryn & Chase doing homework now for about 90 minutes)
  • Kathryn & Chase: Hey…
  • Cliff: How was your day?
  • Chase: Great!
  • Kathryn: (aggravated) FINE! We need to finish this page!
  • Cliff: Okay, I’ll go get changed for dinner
  • Kathryn: Yeah, go do that.
  • Cliff: How are you feeling?
  • Kathryn: I’m tired. I swear, I don’t know how I’m going to make it. Please fill my sake cup.

This morning, I don’t know why, I just felt different. Yesterday, I finished reading a beautiful book called Heaven is for Real by Todd Burpo:

Heaven is for Real

My girlfriend Beth gave it to me after this summer. She’s always good for a dose of “Jesus Juice” and I have learned to quit resisting. It may take me a while, but I always get around to reading or watching whatever she suggests. Chase started reading the book first. I was still embroiled in Shogun. After reading each section, Chase would inevitably start talking about what he had just read and I would shut him down in my attempts to keep him from “spoiling” the book for me. How dumb am I? I decided to sneak the book while he was at school so we could resume our “book club”. The book is only about 163 pages and I was able to finish it in a day and a half. I could have done it in a day, but someone’s gotta get dinner on the table.

Heaven is for Real is not going to be nominated for a Pulitzer. It is not Hemmingway or even John Grisham caliber writing. The story itself is beautiful and true. I won’t “spoil” it for any of you who might be interested in reading it, but I know you won’t regret it. There is nothing like hearing about someone else’s tragedy or even near-tragedy to make you take that extra breath before you “lose” it, to feel grateful for the things you have taken for granted, and say things you should have said a long time ago and every day since.

Script from this morning:

  • Kathryn: Hey Cliff
  • Cliff: Hey
  • Kathryn: I want to say something.
  • Cliff: Okay (suspicious & wary)
  • Kathryn: I just wanted to let you know… right now… I am not feeling tired. I am happy. I am grateful for how hard you work for us and I respect you tremendously.
  • Cliff: Thanks. (cue hug & big smile)

One of my yoga mentors is Jennifer Smith from Balance Yoga in Atlanta, Georgia. She has this great way of simultaneously stretching our minds and our bodies. One day she posed the question of: “What comes first? The Smile? or the Happy Thought?” Then she said that studies have shown if you smile hard enough for long enough, the thoughts will follow. If smiling at your husband causes him to shrink in fear, maybe you aren’t doing it enough. Remember remember remember.

Until next time…

Beth

August 7, 2012 By in Family, Girlfriends, Summer in the US Tags: , , , , , 1 Comment

Making breakfast in the kitchen

This past weekend I spent with my girlfriend Beth in Alexandria, Virginia. Her and her 4 children, husband (who is actually like one of the kids), and in utero fetus.

I love Beth. She is one of my dearest friends. We have known each other since Medical School Days in Charleston, SC. She was in the M.D. track and I was in the Pharm.D. track. We were introduced by a mutual friend and have been BFFs ever since. I truly love her like a sister. I remember back when we were both just starting out in our careers. We were going to conquer the world “Dynasty-style“, Alexis Colby Carrington was our role model, and we would have 1 baby each (just for the experience). Now, she’s working on her 5th baby and she’s on the “God’s Will” birth control method. Things have really changed.

When I go to Beth’s, I know it is going to be crazy, unscheduled and non-stop. Last year, just 1 day involved taking all 5 kids (Pearl, Faith, Jesse, Enoch, Chase) to Mt. Vernon to visit the home of George Washington. After we came home, the older kids played games while the younger ones napped. We fed the kids dinner, and I’m thinking “This was a really nice day”. Then, Daddy came home and in the middle of the dinner, he starts saying we need to have a “blow out” because Chase and Kathryn are leaving tomorrow. So before I can blink, everyone is loading back into the van chanting “Chuckie Cheese! Chuckie Cheese!” Chase had actually never been to Chuckie Cheese before, but it was on his bucket list, so he was thrilled. At 7pm on a weeknight, I found myself at Chuckie Cheese along with several Hispanic families and single dads. This place is like a dirtier version of Vegas for kids. By the time tickets were traded in and we were ready to go, it’s like 9pm and I thought I saw a light at the end of the tunnel, but then Daddy yells, “Kids! The Krispy Kreme HOT light is on!!!!” So of course we detour into the parking lot for a dozen glazed doughnuts to match the expression on mommy’s faces.

This past weekend’s trip pales in comparison.

Chase is pushing baby Enoch in the stroller

Chase and I have invented a new expression, “Party till our eyes bleed!” That’s how much fun it is at Beth’s. In the short time frame of 48 hours we managed :

We could have done a lot more but then the bleeding from our eyes prohibited our viewing pleasure. By the time Chase and I returned to Mary’s, I was a complete wreck. I know this sounds like some dumb scientific study finding, but: Having 5 children is significantly more stressful than having 1.

It has literally taken me 2 days to get over my 2 days at Beth’s house. I don’t know how she does it. Even though her husband makes a very good living, she refuses to hire help with the children. She does everything. The first day back, I actually cried in the shower for my poor lost friend. I hope she doesn’t get mad at me for feeling badly for her like this, but I never saw the look of terror leave her eyes. I love her children, but when you have that many, there is NO DOWNTIME. Someone is always being hit, hitting someone, crying, running, choking, needing all the time. You are completely out-numbered. I like to think if I had that many kids, they would all know their whistle call and be promptly dressed and ready for dinner at 6pm every night. In reality, I would definitely be much worse off than Beth and carry one of those suicide capsules in my bra at all times.

Before I left, I said, “Girl, you know I love your kids. And I know you love your kids. But I can’t help feeling like I need to kidnap you out of this situation and de-program you.” I also told her, that I would always remember her as that carefree girl in graduate school who used to dance on bar counters with me. With that, I got a smile.

Touchstones & pebbles

Until next time…

PS: Beth and Nigel always come up with some really unique baby names. There is a strong possibility Number 5 may be named Moses.

Friends Revisited

July 15, 2012 By in Family, Girlfriends, Summer in the US Tags: 3 Comments

I have returned to Virginia, but not without seeing my sister as well as my “sistahs” in Atlanta.

Bess

My sister Bess appears to be doing well. She has been decorating and painting her own place and it looks terrific. In fact it may look too good. dad was talking about possibly moving in with her. There seems to be a new fellow in her life. He dropped by during our visit and it is nice to see her getting her “groove” back. She told me they have only kissed, and since I am a big fan of Victorian Novels I believe men and women can still fall in love before they actually “seal the deal”. Of course, I’ve told both my sisters, I think we are passed the age of worrying about being labeled sluts at school the next day, so just go for it.

11:30am Every Sunday

It was really great meeting up with my girlfriends for our traditional sunday lunch at our favorite Korean restaurant. Holly, Debra, Kristi and Lauren were able to make it. We were able to catch up and laugh like old times. Despite all the benefits of living in a place like Tokyo, this I miss. I love how you can spend time with friends and think you know them and then out of the blue, you discover something fresh. Like, who knew Lauren and Kristi could play tennis? I’m so bringing back bikini tennis.

Charlotte Ann, Me, & Tracy

I was also lucky to break bread with Charlotte Ann and Tracy. These two are my best friends who are moms without being “mom-friends” if you know what I mean. They are in the know about all things school-related and the neighborhood, but they have such interesting perspectives and senses of humor that I almost forget we have kids. Cool moms, we are not alone.

In a couple of weeks, I will get to see my girlfriend from graduate school days. Beth is one of my most enduring friends. Back in the day, she and I swore to one another we would be part of the OBC (One Baby Club). We had places to go and companies to conquer. Then, girlfriend got married and signed up for the “God’s Will” birth control program. Last I checked, Beth is due late August mid September with her 5th child!

I’m only missing out on seeing my other girlfriend Becky in Charleston and my Colorado friend Jasmin. I also met Becky in grad school. One of the things I love about Becky is unbeknownst to me, she earned a PhD in Disney World. She has reference texts at her house. I will have to see Jasmin on another trip, but spending time with son Brian was almost as good. Maybe even better. ;)

Like it or not, wives are usually the social directors for the family. Seeing my dad try to redefine who he is without my mom is a little painful. Especially because I see how he longs for friendship. Debra and I have often talked about how some men seem to kind of coast through life and not really be interested in establishing other male friends or partaking in “boys night out”. I know Cliff is like this and so is my dad. There may be friends who are still in the contacts folder from many years ago, but newer friends have not been added. I have to admit that making special friends as you get older is tougher to do. People have asked me why I don’t do Facebook. There are many reasons for me, but one of the biggest is my belief that Facebook/Mark Zuckerberg has bastardized the word “friend”. Maybe what he’s done is actually created a new class of friend: Facebook Friend Only. Either way, it was one of the reasons I didn’t want to keep doing it.

If you hear me call you a friend, know that you really are that to me.

Until next time…

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